I really don't know why lately forwarded e-mails have been so apt with my situation right now. I actually received this yesterday, but only read it this morning. How I wish things could be easier...
I know I wasn't supposed to expect anything to come out of our playing pretend together. But even if everything got so painful, I'm still glad to have known you, to have had you in my life even for just a short while. I've heard people say that while some good things never last, others don't even start - I guess that fits us exactly...we could have been good together...good for each other, but then since we never really gave ourselves a chance, things had ended before they even began...
I'm letting you go, I'm letting us go. I've finally accepted that this is the way things would have to be, that I should allow us both to be free enough to seek whatever it is that will truly make us happy. Even if it isn't with each other...
BEHIND THESE HAZEL EYES
Kelly Clarkson
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything felt so right
Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
(Chorus)
Here I am
Once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it
Can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together but so broken up inside
Cause I can't breathe
No I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
(Chorus)
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No I don't cry on the outside
ANYMORE!
(Chorus)
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Saturday, June 24, 2006
A Touching Story of Life
If there is one thing I'd like to thank www.highfiber.org for, it's because it is where I was able to download an e-book of Tuesdays with Morrie. Last month, I was so pissed because I got overwhelming pokes after I posted the lyrics to the singles of the top two American Idol Season Five finalists (Taylor Hicks and Katharine McPhee).If you want to experience what I did, try visiting the said site. Yeah,it's cool coz you get to download songs, pictures, and documents.But people can be so mean there!!!
I have heard great reviews on Tuesdays with Morrie, and I saw it countless times on the bestseller's list at National Bookstore. But when I finished reading it this afternoon, I found myself crying because unlike the main character, Morrie, I still have questions in life unanswered and I still find myself doubting people around me though I shouldn't.
Below is the summary of it that I got from http://www.albom.com/morrie.htm.
"Tuesdays With Morrie" is the heartwarming story of Albom's relationship with his college mentor, Morrie Schwartz, with whom Albom has lost touch for 16 years. Upon seeing him on the "Nightline" program - talking to Ted Koppel about what it was like to die from Lou Gehrig's disease - Albom was both horrified and ashamed. He called his old teacher, flew to Boston for a reunion, and began a series of weekly visits, rekindling their loving teacher-student relationship while tackling a larger subject in their final "class": the meaning of life.
Tuesdays With Morrie details those Tuesday visits, and the shared reflections on love, work, marriage, envy, children, forgiveness, community and aging, all seen though the eyes of a wise old man who was down to his last days.
My favorite aphorism from Morrie: "Don't give up too soon, but don't hold on too long!"
Life is definitely too short! Go live it to the fullest!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
CHARMED FOREVER!
I knew I'd shed a tear or two when the final episode of Charmed airs, and I did! I saw the series finale last Sunday and I found myself teary-eyed as I savored the last 60 minutes of my most favorite show ever.
I was kinda hoping Cole Turner (Julian McMahon) would show up, at least to let Phoebe (Alyssa Milano) know that he's okay, but the wedding between Phoebe and Coop (Victor Webster) sure delighted me. And Phoebe's premonition happened - but she was surprised to know that she had three lovely daughters instead of one. Meanwhile, Paige (Rose McGowan) and mortal Henry (Ivan Sergei) had twins and another kid. Of course the grown-up Wyatt and Chris (Wes Ramsey and Drew Fuller) were present, and Leo (Brian Krause) was finally reunited with Piper (Holly Marie Combs), courtesy of the Angel of Destiny. The girls' father Victor, who is also a mortal, was also present to give his support. I loved the ending because it showed the three generations of Halliwell (Grams Penny, Patty, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige) fighting against the Ultimate Power (Christy, played by Marnette Patterson), who was eventually vanquished by her own sister, Billie (Kaley Kuoco).
I will miss the show terribly! But the eight years they gave us loyal viewers were all worth it! Right now, I'm saving my money to buy the DVD sets of all eight seasons, which would probably be my most expensive collection to date.
You'll never be forgotten, guys. I wish you all good luck in all your undertakings. Blessed be!!!
Upper portion (from left to righ)t: Phoebe's kids with Billie, Chris and Wyatt, Paige with kids
Center: The Halliwell family pictures
Lower portion (from left to right): Coop, Leo, and Henry
Sunday, June 18, 2006
for whatever it's worth...
i finally got an e-mail from him (thank God!). he said the assignments and projects somehow irk him but all in all he's okay. he still insists on knowing my blog site, and i obviously deprived him of the information. who knows, he might have an inclination that my refusal to give him my address is due to the fact that most of my posts lately is about him, hehehe!
he also told me he'll find me someone there. but as i told him before, i still prefer pinoys (or should i say, i still prefer him) over any nationality. but i told him if he could find me someone who looks like jude law, julian mcmahon, hugh jackman, or mark ruffalo, then it's fine with me, harharhar!!!
i'm glad i had the chance to relay all my "kilig" stories of him to someone. it really feels good to have finally shared those things to her. thanks for the time, Ate! hope the plan i told you works when he returns.
saw the lake house yesterday with my good friend, mitch. i loved it to the core. the song "this never happened before" plays in my mind endlessly. good thing i already have it in my i-tunes list.
and before we parted ways last night, mitch told me these words: "ayan ka na naman ha! be careful with your heart!" don't worry girl! although i must admit i'm completely drawn to him, i'm still sane not to lose myself in the process.
for whatever it's worth, i'm happy with whatever it is that we have now.
he also told me he'll find me someone there. but as i told him before, i still prefer pinoys (or should i say, i still prefer him
i'm glad i had the chance to relay all my "kilig" stories of him to someone. it really feels good to have finally shared those things to her. thanks for the time, Ate! hope the plan i told you works when he returns.
saw the lake house yesterday with my good friend, mitch. i loved it to the core. the song "this never happened before" plays in my mind endlessly. good thing i already have it in my i-tunes list.
and before we parted ways last night, mitch told me these words: "ayan ka na naman ha! be careful with your heart!" don't worry girl! although i must admit i'm completely drawn to him, i'm still sane not to lose myself in the process.
for whatever it's worth, i'm happy with whatever it is that we have now.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
The Meantime Girl
I received this tearjerker yesterday morning and it made me cry indeed. I guess it's worth sharing...
What's a meantime girl?
She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night.
She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime. She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman, either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light.
She's too laidback, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She's too understanding, too comfortable. She doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely and need female companionship, she'll do just fine.
You don't have to dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She's not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don't have to explain yourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother her that you'll go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She's just so cool...
Why can't all women be like that?
But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't because to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. You know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs. She could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.
You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.
She doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe. She doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone's head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.
She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because she's had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.
Yeah, I'm a Meantime Girl. I don't know the reason, really, and at this point I don't even care. I just want to let every guy know who's ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too.
A lot.
* The upcoming two weeks will somehow be unbearable. But on the brighter side, it would give me time to assess my feelings.
What's a meantime girl?
She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night.
She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime. She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman, either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light.
She's too laidback, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She's too understanding, too comfortable. She doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely and need female companionship, she'll do just fine.
You don't have to dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She's not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don't have to explain yourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother her that you'll go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She's just so cool...
Why can't all women be like that?
But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't because to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. You know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs. She could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.
You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.
She doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe. She doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone's head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.
She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because she's had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.
Yeah, I'm a Meantime Girl. I don't know the reason, really, and at this point I don't even care. I just want to let every guy know who's ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too.
A lot.
* The upcoming two weeks will somehow be unbearable. But on the brighter side, it would give me time to assess my feelings.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
what a week!
i can say i had a great week indeed!
from monday onwards, my officemates have been teasing me about my birthday. they said it ought to be a week-long celebration, harhar!!! but i really don't mind them greeting me that early. they're actually more excited than i am.
finally, i got my TF for the article i wrote for a magazine that stopped its production even before my article got printed (sigh!). but it's a good thing they kept their promise and paid all the contributors. i bought myself a stylish liz claiborne watch as remembrance for that freelance job.
last payday, we received the second cut for our CBA which was supposed to be given starting December of last year. i bet the top management is somehow slowing up the process especially now that the P125 across the board wage increase has passed the second reading and there are talks of having it divided into a three-year scheme. but as they say, "buti na 'yan kesa wala!"
another quotable quote from him this week: "YOU CONSTANTLY AMAZE ME! GANYAN KA BA TALAGA PAG MAGBI-BIRTHDAY?" if only this guy could read my mind...
then yesterday, my birthday, i was surprised with gifts on my table. there were flowers (all in yellow - that's why they asked me what color i love the most huh!) from my "siblings" (my e-test sis and bro), cards, and trinkets from my friends (two pairs of silver earrings from my friends and another pair of black freshwater pearls from our former editor).
the food was great, too. everything was taken care of by my boss who unfortunately couldn't join us since she's in baguio since wednesday. the cake was ordered a week ago and she left us some money to buy food for lunch (thanks MOMG!). my birthday actually coincides with one of the future members of the top management (we're actually the same age, making people joke about "separated at birth") that is why a mass was held yesterday. but i prefer to attend a mass outside the office that is why i decided to come in late in the morning. it was nice of him to drop by the office to greet me personally (as early as friday we greeted each other already). it was actually he who first found out we were born on the same day since he saw my name posted on the bulletin board. and obviously, people were teasing me about him. but as i told them, he's actually not my type. they asked me why not, insisting he's cute, good-smelling, and everything. my constant answer was "not my type, period!" how i wish i could tell them who's my type...
the question now is, did he greet me? yes he did! in the morning, he sent me a text message with his wish: may the good Lord grant you the deepest and noblest desires of your heart. hey you, you are the deepest desire of my heart! we didn't have the chance to talk that much in the office since he's busy finishing his titles before his departure a few days from now. but in the evening he again asked a favor from me, asking me to tell a friend of mine that he used her umbrella since it was raining hard when he left the office. he also asked for the number of one of our editors. at that moment, i thought that maybe that's how he'll forever see me - his "favor" girl. i've always been like that to him. he texts me everytime he can't make it to the office or everytime he needs something. of course some of my officemates are questioning that act of him and yet i couldn't give them an exact response on why he always does that. and fyi, my cellphone just rang at this very moment, with a joke message from him. some kind of coincidence, huh!
today i watched two interesting films, DERAILED and RUMOR HAS IT. Both stars Jennifer Aniston. The first one is a film of deceit and vengeance while the second one is about family secrets with a funny twist. Mark Ruffalo is getting cuter I should say.
I guess that's it for now. At least I had a great birthday week. Until my next post...
from monday onwards, my officemates have been teasing me about my birthday. they said it ought to be a week-long celebration, harhar!!! but i really don't mind them greeting me that early. they're actually more excited than i am.
finally, i got my TF for the article i wrote for a magazine that stopped its production even before my article got printed (sigh!). but it's a good thing they kept their promise and paid all the contributors. i bought myself a stylish liz claiborne watch as remembrance for that freelance job.
last payday, we received the second cut for our CBA which was supposed to be given starting December of last year. i bet the top management is somehow slowing up the process especially now that the P125 across the board wage increase has passed the second reading and there are talks of having it divided into a three-year scheme. but as they say, "buti na 'yan kesa wala!"
another quotable quote from him this week: "YOU CONSTANTLY AMAZE ME! GANYAN KA BA TALAGA PAG MAGBI-BIRTHDAY?" if only this guy could read my mind...
then yesterday, my birthday, i was surprised with gifts on my table. there were flowers (all in yellow - that's why they asked me what color i love the most huh!) from my "siblings" (my e-test sis and bro), cards, and trinkets from my friends (two pairs of silver earrings from my friends and another pair of black freshwater pearls from our former editor).
the food was great, too. everything was taken care of by my boss who unfortunately couldn't join us since she's in baguio since wednesday. the cake was ordered a week ago and she left us some money to buy food for lunch (thanks MOMG!). my birthday actually coincides with one of the future members of the top management (we're actually the same age, making people joke about "separated at birth") that is why a mass was held yesterday. but i prefer to attend a mass outside the office that is why i decided to come in late in the morning. it was nice of him to drop by the office to greet me personally (as early as friday we greeted each other already). it was actually he who first found out we were born on the same day since he saw my name posted on the bulletin board. and obviously, people were teasing me about him. but as i told them, he's actually not my type. they asked me why not, insisting he's cute, good-smelling, and everything. my constant answer was "not my type, period!" how i wish i could tell them who's my type...
the question now is, did he greet me? yes he did! in the morning, he sent me a text message with his wish: may the good Lord grant you the deepest and noblest desires of your heart. hey you, you are the deepest desire of my heart! we didn't have the chance to talk that much in the office since he's busy finishing his titles before his departure a few days from now. but in the evening he again asked a favor from me, asking me to tell a friend of mine that he used her umbrella since it was raining hard when he left the office. he also asked for the number of one of our editors. at that moment, i thought that maybe that's how he'll forever see me - his "favor" girl. i've always been like that to him. he texts me everytime he can't make it to the office or everytime he needs something. of course some of my officemates are questioning that act of him and yet i couldn't give them an exact response on why he always does that. and fyi, my cellphone just rang at this very moment, with a joke message from him. some kind of coincidence, huh!
today i watched two interesting films, DERAILED and RUMOR HAS IT. Both stars Jennifer Aniston. The first one is a film of deceit and vengeance while the second one is about family secrets with a funny twist. Mark Ruffalo is getting cuter I should say.
I guess that's it for now. At least I had a great birthday week. Until my next post...
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