i haven't been posting lately for honestly i feel disturbed. it's not that type of paranoia where i have to be dragged to an "institution" for rehabilitation. NOPE!!!
i feel disturbed because in the afternoon of March 29, i received a "confidential memo" from my company's hr department, complete with a signature from one of the members of the top management, for alleged violation of a certain company rule, more specifically discourtesy to an hr official. they were claiming i used a discourteous language when i dealt with an hr officer 12 days earlier for my returned personnel change form (PCF) despite my supervisor's signed letter of explanation. actually, this wasn't the first time my pcf was returned, and up to this moment, their policies are still not clear to me and most of the associates. insane, you may say, but it happened. i don't know how a simple case could blow right into my face. of course i vehemently denied the accusation. i never uttered any foul language to any of them. i admit i raised my voice a little, but being pissed that i am that time, such behavior is but normal for any individual.
right now, the case is still not closed. i don't even know what their decision is. i feel disturbed because never in my life have i been insulted like this, let alone be the subject of such a huge accusation. i have protected my image in the company, for close to four years, and look where it brought me. i have been a good employee, and people around me can attest to that. all those years, i haven't been given suspension unlike my co-workers (mostly for coming late in the office) and i'm very proud of myself for that.
whatever happens, i'm ready to let go. as i told the girls, i've come to accept my fate, though it breaks my heart that i'm leaving this way. i'm leaving not because i wanted to save myself from shame since i didn't do anything wrong, but to leave some self-esteem for myself.
i'll end my post with a line from julia stiles from the film 10 things i hate about you: "why would i live up to other people's expectation except of myself?"
4 comments:
wow that is a very tough ordeal. you just have to do what you think is best regardless of what other people might think. you're right, as long as you know in your heart you're not hurting anybody else, you're conscience is clear. our actions can always be misinterpreted by narrow minded people. God bless you in your decision...take care
thanks so much. whatever happens, i know in my heart i will be doing the right thing.
Hi Milds!
A week ago, I may say that I was "disturbed" too, with those detractors at work. But just today, I'm so happy cause I've proven myself... got promoted :)As long as you believe in yourself, asked God's guidance & you know you've done your best... walk with pride & dignity and just smile at them :) God is with you :)
hey, gurl! just be cool and don't be distracted by them... do not let them have the joy of seeing you distracted or affected by their moves.. cool ka lang, ineng!
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