lately

I have been "busy" lately with a lot of things; some can be considered baloney but they bothered me nonetheless.

1. The scarcity of manuscripts to read somehow kills me. Last week, it came to a point when although I have read beyond the quota, I need to report an exact amount just to have some pages left for the next day. Gum, that was so frustrating! For some people, "petiks" (Tagalog lingo for being idle) is a great thing, but count me out on that aspect. I need to make use of my time wisely. And although I have plenty of comments on the way things are happening in my organization, I guess it is not proper to get back by being slothful. After all, this is my bread and butter! And Lord knows how much I value this.

2. I went to a house tripping a few days ago to see a prospective house and lot we intend to buy through Pag-IBIG financing. And surprise, surprise!!! There weren't even model houses erected there, and all we saw were hectares of land ready for groundbreaking soon. That is the main reason for the extra low package offered by the developer. But we're supposed to pay the downpayment in 15 months, so by the time we're done with that, our house will be ready for occupancy, too. I can't wait! But now I have to work on the reservation fee. I will be shouldering everything. I just hope I will still have something left for myself.

3. I still don't understand the rationale. Those people who rarely absent themselves, eventually end up without manuscripts to read at all. While those who have mountains of manuscripts on their desk, honestly don't give a damn whether they show up in the office or not. Furthermore, these people are the ones trusted and considered the "chosen ones". I mean, what's up with that? I'm not elevating myself or something, but at least I give importance to what I do, which I believe "should be" a plus factor. Yes, I need the job, and I am not ashamed to tell anyone that. Yet above all, I would never trade this thing I do now with anything else (probably the organization, haha!!!).

4. How do you define the words "just friends"? I ask this because I feel like someone got pissed last week when I told him that. It started with me forwarding him a message about good friends, better friends, and best friends. He then asked me which one is he. I told him "just a friend". I believe it's supposed to be that way. What else does he want me to say? That we used to be more than friends? That we used to sneak behind his girlfriend's back? It was a non-exclusive case for us both; something we didn't even plan. Let's just say we were just drawn to each other because of the opportunities for us to be together. And I haven't heard from him for like five years. We actually plan to meet up one of these days. We'll take it from there I guess.

5. I'm not a huge Angelina Jolie fan, but lately I found myself adoring her. Who wouldn't? She recently brought home her fourth child to the United States. Pax Thien (from Vietnam) now joins brother Maddox (from Cambodia), and sisters Zahara (from Ethiopia) and Shiloh (born in Namibia, and fathered by Brad Pitt). It's also amazing that although the two have no intentions of getting married, Maddox and Zahara are already legally adopted, with Jolie-Pitt as their surnames like Shiloh. Pax Thien, meanwhile, was adopted by Angelina as a single parent to make the processing faster. Angelina also stated she is not limiting the number of orphans she plans to adopt, for after all she has the means so why strip the kids of that opportunity. So to those criticizing this lovely multicultural family, back off!!!

There you go... these are my observations, backlash, reflections, or my reverie as well. What's ahead, I have no idea! Until then.

i blame iris! ;)

"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought! Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It's called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one-sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual."

- Iris Simpkins (played by Kate Winslet), THE HOLIDAY

First things first. I decided to do a reactive blog entry on this one rather than the usual movie review. The movie was likable, though. This is not because I'm a sucker for romantic comedy films, but mainly due to the fact that for me it is one of those feel-good movies. (Note: Check it out for yourself!)

Now on to the real score. The lines above were spoken by Kate's character, Iris during the film's opening. It hit me so hard, I had to play that scene over and over again.

I told myself:"Was Iris actually speaking of me?" In a nonsensical kind of way, I guess! Nevertheless, I do believe that I am not alone in this "battle". Yes, I've had my share of romance in the past. And I am not sorry to say that I do miss the real "kilig" these past few months. By real, I mean a "relationship" or something for that matter, and not the vulnerable state called "platonic understanding". And it appears that nothing "graspable" seem to happen to me lately.

As always, I just have to wait and see...

way back into love

Hugh Grant plays Alex Fletcher of the defunct 80's group "POP". After being left by his partner after scores of hits (bringing with him the last three songs they wrote together, all of which have sold 8 million copies since), he is now reduced to singing in amusement parks, homecomings, and other events where his audience composed mostly of middle-aged women who used to adore him during his "POP" days. The only person who stood by his side is his manager who has lately been contacted by music industry's new sweetheart Cora Corman. Cora was supposedly addicted to Alex's music before, and she claims it has helped her get through her parents' divorce. Now she has a proposition to Alex: She wants him to write her a song in three days with the theme "finding your way back to love" for she said she wants to share to her fans the feelings she had before. If she likes the song, Alex will be performing with her on stage and the song will be included in her latest album.

Alex decided to accept the challenge since that's exactly what he needs right now – A HUGE BREAK. Problem is, he hasn't written a song in 10 years. His manager then hired a lyricist for them to work together. However, Alex found the said lyricist's words to be rather too morbid for a love song.

Enter, Sophie Fisher (Drew Barrymore), Alex's new plant attendant (whatever that is!). As she waters the plants, Alex heard her singing some words to Alex's piano melody. And to cut the story short, Alex convinced Sophie to join him and he dumped his first lyricist.

At first, words were flowing easily from Sophie. But when she ran out of rhymes, she asked Alex for a walk nearby. As they passed a bookstore, Alex noticed Sophie's agitated actions. Finally, as they were having their breakfast, Sophie opened up to Alex. She said that the bestseller featured on the bookstore's window actually tells her story, rather in a negative way. The author, a professor of hers in college where she majored in literature, portrays her as a woman who'll do everything to ruin someone's reputation, even wreck a family. The truth is, the said author actually has a fiancee, which he failed to tell Sophie, even though they have began a romantic relationship. When the book came out, Sophie was convinced that the main character was indeed her, especially since it describes her physical appearance vividly. From then on, Sophie was unable to move on. She now works at a family-owned weight reduction company managed by her sister, and occasionally contributes to an online poetry journal.

After almost finishing the song, they handed it over to Cora. And despite the song's mushy approach (in contrast to Cora's eccentric style), Cora liked it. But when she presented it to both Alex and Sophie (after incorporating some Buddhist beats and very sexy dance steps), Sophie was somehow offended. Alex, on the other hand, was okay with it since he just wants to be a part of the album.

At Cora's place (during a pre-concert party) Sophie decided to tell Cora of her views. Cora said she appreciates Sophie's honesty. After that, Alex and Sophie had a misunderstanding. Sophie backed out, leaving Alex to finish the song by himself, which he had difficulty in doing so. When he told Cora about it, she said she already have the ending of the song for Sophie faxed it to her earlier that morning.

At the concert, Sophie was a bit reluctant. Yet her sister convinced her for she said her kids were looking forward to hear the song their aunt wrote with Alex. But when Cora announced that the next performance will be by Alex Fletcher (that he wrote by himself), Sophie was taken aback. As she left the scene, she heard that the song was in fact a new one. It tells of how they met and how sorry he was for letting her go. Sophie was deeply touched she decided to meet Alex backstage. The two kissed (what else can you expect?). Afterwards, Cora called Alex on stage for their duet. This time announcing the words MUSIC AND LYRICS BY SOPHIE FISHER AND ALEX FLETCHER.

This film makes you fall in love all over again. It's a perfect date movie; a true chick-flick indeed. I love it when Sophie said that the music is the part you actually see, like the meeting of two people, and even the sex part. She added, however, that the lyrics part is when you get to know someone by heart. For me, it's like the comparison of something tangible and intangible. Music is something you could readily provide, as in humming a tune in your mind instantly. However, the lyrics don't just come out. You need inspiration to let the words from your heart flow from the pen to the paper.

This is a must-see. Go get a copy and let love spark in your heart.

P.S. Here's the actual lyrics that Alex and Sophie wrote. Enjoy!

Way Back Into Love

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need 'em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

breaking free

In about a month, more or less, I will be breaking free (keeping my fingers crossed!). As I said some posts ago, I've been meaning to do this for quite some time. I know I'm ready now. And I've reached the point where "independent living" seem like the most sensible thing to do. And even though I'm sure it would put a strain on my monthly finances, I'm pushing through with it. My parents' relocation to the province is the turning point. It's for their safety, and that's foremost on our minds. Of course, it would be impractical to still live with them, considering how far-flung their new place would be. Yet I assured them of financial support still.

This is absolutely a new chapter in my life. I've already asked friends for help in finding a "suitable" place for me. I need something comfy, clean, quiet, and one that suits my budget. I found out pads aren't that difficult to find nowadays, especially in the area I prefer. Aside from students, young professionals are also common in that side of the metropolis. Right now, I just have to confirm my parents' relocation and make sure that everything is settled so I could finally take care of my own transfer.

I actually have mixed emotions right now. Yes, I'm excited! It's about time that I make a move. On the other hand, there's this part of my heart that for sure would be longing for our house – the very same house I have lived all my life. But we sure have to face reality. In time we know we'll be asked to leave that place. And never will there be a moment when we could call that place "our own". What happened was a wake up call. And I guess it came just on time.

some thoughts

These got me into thinking...

From text messages:

Life consists of tough decisions -

GO ON or GIVE UP
HOLD ON or LET GO
STAY or LEAVE

but it's comforting to know that God is with us whichever way we go.

*****
Many of us have built dreams with people we hoped would be with us forever only to wake up to reality that nothing's permanent in this world. Love comes and goes. People stay and leave. Life is a constant cycle of finding and losing; of making and breaking; of dying and living again.

*****
TRUTH: Sometimes you hold back your feelings not because you're afraid of falling for the person but because that person has always been meant just for a"dream" and not for "having".

From Corinne Bailey Rae's song, Breathless:

I can understand that you don't want to cross the line
And you know I can't promise you things will turn out fine
But I have to be honest, I want you to be mine
Tell me do you know?
Tell me do you know?

From a manuscript I'm currently reading:

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. – Anonymous

***These past few weeks, I've been up and thinking. I may be restless most of the time, but I had time to reflect on things which honestly affect me. Hypocrisy won't do me any good. That is why I was hurt for the unreasonable things that have happened lately. But I'm keeping my head high. I should know by now. For whatever it's worth, I'm certain I performed well.