emotional whirlwind

The past weeks have been an emotional whirlwind for me. Yet I try very hard to pull myself through the day and I guess I'm quite successful in surviving the days that pass me by. It isn't easy pushing myself to the limit when in fact I'm hurting inside. But all of these I assume would give me lessons to reflect on in the future.

Last Sunday, I found out that the position I applied for is already filled and at that very moment I thought my world would crumble right in front of my face. I tried to assess how I felt that time, and though I am very much disappointed that I didn't make it, I found myself not shedding even a single tear which I believe is a very good sign. My friends comforted me by saying that I am indeed overqualified for the said position and I believe them. But what hurts me the most is the fact that I was counting on that opportunity to bail me out of my present company so that I could learn to finally let go and move on with my life.

Yesterday, I received this very touching message from an unknown author. It almost made me cry instantly yet I decided to keep my composure. It now made sense that somewhere out there, someone feels the same as I do or experiences the pain that I am currently feeling.

I'd like to share this piece (my edited version) for it has helped bring back the sanity in me (honestly!). I must admit that I'm still not doing well and I am still hoping everything would return to the way it used to be. Yet after all that have been said and done, I'm afraid it never will. But I can always try to be nice and accept the reality that people can hurt us sometimes, but that hurt heals... eventually!

Falling In Love: Is It Worth It?
All people have at one point in their life experienced the painful realization of a love unrequited. Even with all the discouragement, even with all the well-intentioned advice from friends, falling in love is a no-going-back event. Unfortunately, time can't be reversed.
Now, people around you doubt falling in love in itself. They cannot feel the warmth that consumes you. They cannot ache with the turbulent and confusing anxiety and joy that grips you. They do not know the mental stress you experience trying to rationalize your emotions. They cannot believe that you do not want to be in love with a person who doesn't love you back.
Loving and loving without getting any response can be destructive to anyone. It is a thousand deaths every time. It's an "unmourned" for death because no one else can understand.
Love is not sustained by hope but by wishes. There's a difference. No matter how perverse, people suffering from unrequited love try to get out of it while secretly wishing that he'd give a sign to show it isn't hopeless. In desperation, unrequited lovers can even imagine signs if only to remain sane.
How can you love a brick wall? A dead end? Slavery without any sign of salvation? How foolish! How unreasonable! Unfortunately, how human too!
"Why won't he love me? What is wrong with me?" scattered thoughts echoing such pain are not exactly abnormal. Even the best-looking, best-hearted people can't always expect others to love them back. Why? People sometimes need to feel unloved by everyone so that they learn to love themselves.
There is nothing wrong with unrequited love. It happens all the time. I wont delude you into thinking that if he can't love you back he is not worth it. In fact, believe that he is. He is worth it all: the headaches, the anxiety, the embarrassment. He is worth it because, like you, he needs others loving him. This sounds funny but the world is round for a reason. We are all part of a circle. If you love him and he loves someone else, just think of whom you're hurting by loving him. It's a cycle. Whose love are you not returning?
Give yourself a chance to be in love again. Maybe you’re just too scared. Or perhaps, maybe because you had been waiting for a perfect moment, a perfect someone, and a perfect me. Maybe because you had always felt that beliefs ought to be perfect---ideal, so to speak ugh!
At the end of the day, when all is said and done, loving without being loved back is the best thing to do because feeling so much pain, you learn to heal; knowing so much fear, you learn to stand up to anything; carrying so much sadness, you learn to glorify in joy.
Lastly, this may be a cliché but there is someone who is right for you, and even if he's not, he'd still be right because loving doesn't make sense until you accept it and make it real.

"No one can ever promise you they will never hurt you, because at one time or another it will happen. The real promise is if the time you spent together will be worth the pain in the end..."