never been lovers, not even friends (?)

I quoted the title of this post from the song "Invisible War" by Julia Fordham. I'm still clueless and I believe that's how it's going to be. Yes, I succeeded with the plan, for he eventually gave up and did the first move by sending me a text message. But there are still questions left unanswered. And the stories I've been hearing lately pains me still. I've been talking to friends about my situation and all of them have the same observation - "I DON'T BELIEVE THEY'RE TOGETHER ALREADY!" What the heck! All I want is the truth. Am I wrong to demand for something that would eventually clear my mind of these doubts I have?

Last Sunday, we had the longest exchange of messages ever! I never even imagined we would cross the line and talk about family matters. I must admit I'm guilty somehow since I initiated the talk, but I didn't expect for him to react and he even said he relates to my situation. Actually, we were supposed to talk over the phone (*wink*) and he even asked for my landline, but I declined saying ours is a business line mostly used as pay phone. I really don't want him to think I'm giving in to him that easy (or am I already?). So then he agreed that we just exchange text messages (no choice for him, I suppose).

After the office issues, it was then when I told him it's a good thing he didn't call me up, for he might have heard my mom's monologue over the phone. He said his mom's just like my mom. And having witnessed family issues as a child (we're both the youngest in the family by the way), he said that is one reason why he's afraid to settle down. I would have reacted but I decided not to.

So, are we friends? I think so! My answer is actually based on the first text message he sent me after he arrived. It goes: "If ever you have problems, come to me and I'll help you. If you don't have any problems, come to me anyway. Gagawa tayo ng problema! After all, what are friends for?" I haven't actually sent him a message on friendship before (and this is his first, too) since I don't know if that's how he sees me. All this time I thought I was just a colleague for him, his "favor girl" to be exact.

It's enough that I know he's happy right now, despite his disappointments at work. And regardless of the never-ending questions on my mind, I am happy, too. I just don't know how long this will last...

"Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there."

- Erma Bombeck