some thoughts

These got me into thinking...

From text messages:

Life consists of tough decisions -

GO ON or GIVE UP
HOLD ON or LET GO
STAY or LEAVE

but it's comforting to know that God is with us whichever way we go.

*****
Many of us have built dreams with people we hoped would be with us forever only to wake up to reality that nothing's permanent in this world. Love comes and goes. People stay and leave. Life is a constant cycle of finding and losing; of making and breaking; of dying and living again.

*****
TRUTH: Sometimes you hold back your feelings not because you're afraid of falling for the person but because that person has always been meant just for a"dream" and not for "having".

From Corinne Bailey Rae's song, Breathless:

I can understand that you don't want to cross the line
And you know I can't promise you things will turn out fine
But I have to be honest, I want you to be mine
Tell me do you know?
Tell me do you know?

From a manuscript I'm currently reading:

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. – Anonymous

***These past few weeks, I've been up and thinking. I may be restless most of the time, but I had time to reflect on things which honestly affect me. Hypocrisy won't do me any good. That is why I was hurt for the unreasonable things that have happened lately. But I'm keeping my head high. I should know by now. For whatever it's worth, I'm certain I performed well.

Check out my Slide Show!

V-Day just come and go

Another Hearts' Day had passed, just like ordinary days. I wonder if there's such a thing as Brains' Day, so we could finally set our minds on our country's distressed state.

Thus sent my current "boylet" in a text message this morning. He actually sent it in Tagalog, so I replied: "Hey, Mr. Prolific, have you had your breakfast yet? Maybe it's just your tummy talking, haha! (my reply was also in Tagalog).

We both hate politics lately, especially the television advertisements of senator hopefuls. Our conversation ended with the usual "good day".

So, how was my V-Day? Just like ordinary days indeed! There were messages from friends and that's it. I'm not actually expecting (coz it would be daunting if I do). But I honestly view the day as a means of businessmen to earn extra cash from the pockets of those who are bent to spend on flowers, chocolates, fancy dinners, and even hotel rooms. Besides, if you love someone, you must show it every moment, every chance you get.

Yet, it wouldn't hurt to have a date.

It was disappointing not to have our salary credited to our ATM accounts that day. But I proceeded with my plan anyway. I was supposed to buy donuts from COUNTRY STYLE near our place. When I was at The Block (SM North EDSA), I found out GO NUTS DONUTS has a branch there, so I went in and treated myself. I loved the one with the choco filling, and the pastillas filling was flavorful, too. Next time, I'd like to buy a box of assorted donuts from KRISPY KREMES. I've only tasted one from KK, their original glazed donut. The only problem with KK is that the nearest branch is in Megamall, and that's really far, except if I'm meeting someone there.

Valentine's day can be complicated, just as it could be "draining" for men and women alike. I don't say this because I didn't go out that day. It's just that too much brouhaha is given to this "supposed" celebration. (Trivia: TV Patrol reported on Wednesday that the Catholic Church actually revealed in the 1960s that there was no St. Valentine. The practice of gift-giving of couples today just continued to give attribution to the soldiers of a particular era who asked permission to give gifts to their ladyloves.)

little miss sunshine

Though only 10 years old, Abigail Breslin (who played Olive in the film) wowed viewers around the world with her charm, seriousness, and almost-like-a-veteran-in-the-business approach to her role.

In Little Miss Sunshine, Olive is the youngest in a dysfunctional family from New Mexico. Upon learning that she qualified for the Little Miss Sunshine beauty pageant to be held in California in two days, the young girl wasted no time in practicing her beauty queen moves and preparing a dance number (thru the help of her grandpa) for the contest's talent portion. Thinking that there's no way they've got to leave anyone behind, Richard Hoover (Greg Kinnear), who's a flop as a motivational speaker, decided to pack all their bags and go on a two-day road trip to California with all the members of his family.

Joining Richard and Olive inside the family volkswagen are Sheryl (Toni Collette), Olive's overworked mother; Dwayne (Paul Dano), Sheryl's son from a previous marriage, who's a Nietzsche follower and who has decided to refrain from speaking until he enters the Air Force Academy; Frank (Steve Carell), Sheryl's gay brother and a renowned Proust scholar who she has recently picked up from a hospital after a suicide attempt; and Edwin (Alan Arkin), Richard's father who lives with them after being evicted from a retirement home due to heroin abuse.

The film takes us on a wild journey of family misfortune, including career setbacks (Richard's nine-step technique failure), bleak future (Dwayne's finding out during the trip that he is color blind, therefore he couldn't be a pilot), love pitfall (Frank's losing an ex-lover to a rival Proust scholar), and even death (Richard's death in his sleep while stopping at a hotel room so the family could rest).

There are many moving scenes in the story. These are my top three:

1. The hotel room scene wherein Olive was shedding a tear in front of his grandpa as the latter assures her that he's certain she's not a loser and that she's beautiful inside and out.
2. The stop-in-the-middle-of-nowhere scene wherein Dwayne walked out of the car to release his angst and giving in to Olive after everyone else failed to have him return to the car.
3. The dance scene wherein the remaining members of the family joined Olive on stage in support of her striptease-type performance.

Little Miss Sunshine is a story of faith, hope, determination, and picking yourself up after every fall. Olive is actually the thread that binds everyone together. The film is of a dramedy genre, making you laugh, and at the same time weep a little, from start to finish.

Nominations
• Academy Awards — Best Picture
• Academy Awards — Best Supporting Actor- Alan Arkin
• Academy Awards — Best Supporting Actress- Abigail Breslin
• Academy Awards — Best Original Screenplay

LITTLE CHILDREN: My Review

"We couldn't change the past, but the future could be a different story. And it has to start somewhere."

- Will Lyman (ending narration), LITTLE CHILDREN

The film, based on the novel by Tom Perrotta, stars Kate Winslet(Sara), Patrick Wilson (Brad), and Jennifer Connelly (Kathy). It centers on the lives of people living in a certain village and how they get entangled in lies, deception, betrayal, and fear among others.

Sara (an English Literature major who is short of a dissertation to earn her doctoral degree) is wife to Richard, a brand executive at an advertising agency. Unknown to Sara, her husband has been spending most of his time (both at work and at home) peeping through a porn site. And when she finally caught him in the act, she decided to take matters to her hands by trying to get even. She immediately purchased a sexy halter bathing suit to catch the attention of a guy she met (and actually kissed) a few days ago.

That guy is Brad, a two-time bar flunker, who brings his son Aaron to the playground everyday. That is where he and Sara met, for Sara does the same to her daughter Lucy (bring her to the playground that is). At night, Brad is sent by his wife Kathy (who does documentaries) to the library nearby to study for the upcoming bar exams. But in the past weeks, Brad never did, for he satisfied himself watching a group of teenage boys skateboarding.

One thing led to another, and as expected, Brad and Sara found themselves sexually attracted to each other. The rest, as they say, is history!

But it doesn't end there. The film, although titled LITTLE CHILDREN, is actually not for kids. The setting of the story is a village plagued with fear of a pervert, Ronnie, (Jackie Earle Haley), who was recently released from prison. Of course, this created tension among the homeowners, especially the time when they discovered Ronnie at the town pool, swimming together with their children.

The film ends with Sara returning to her home and Brad in the hospital (after a near running away from their respective families), and Ronnie castrating himself after his mother died.

Dark, poignant, somehow disturbing, but the film is a good diversion to the romantic comedy films I have seen lately. After her great performances in Finding Neverland and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I believe Kate Winslet again did a spectacular performance. Jackie Haley was undoubtedly a scene-stealer in the entire film, and also worthy of all the awards he got from this role.

Academy Award nominations:
• Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role (Kate Winlset)
• Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role (Jackie Earle Haley)
• Best Adapted Screenplay (Todd Field and Tom Perrotta)

loving unselfishly

This is a forwarded E-mail from one of the Yahoo groups where I belong. I don't know how long it has been circulating, but I guess it moved me to tears (honest!) for the message suits me well.

It may sound cliche, but I feel like I've been on a "purely friendship" stage lately. But I'm clinging on to my latest. Unlike my previous one (which I now seriously regret), this one is for keeps. I have accepted the fact that we may or may not go beyond whatever we have right now. I'm just glad he came back.

***************

Loving or simply being close to someone is like allowing yourself to be hurt in the end, to feel pain and to cry. One runs the risk of crying a bit if one allows oneself to be tamed. It is good to love or to tame and be tamed.  It is more meaningful to become emotionally attached to another even though there's the chance that you would lose the one you tamed or the one who tamed you. It would all be worth the risk. The experiences that you had with the other would be appreciated and remembered together with the things that remind you of that person. To have met someone so unique, someone who changed you and touched your life in such a special way was what matters.

In having a relationship with someone in whatever degree or level, whether you wanted it to happen or you least expected it, take the chance and grab it. That person made an impact on you and that person filled the emptiness in you, and at some point you were happy. Things may be better or it may be worst; either the relationship will last or the relationship will end; you may end up alone, hurt, and crying but at least at one point in your life, you were able to meet such person and you were happy and that was what mattered most.

Sometimes there are things that we refuse to do simply because we are scared of being hurt. You might have had your heart broken by someone but always remember no two people are alike. It's not that easy to find someone who could make you smile.  Don’t deny yourself of getting close to someone, of loving someone, or caring for someone because it will hurt more to look back and realize that it also could have been your only happiness.

Tender feelings allow solace and refuge from the harshness of the world. Who can refuse a shoulder or a hug? Love can also mean a shoulder to cry on when our burdens become too heavy to bear alone.  A good partnership also means being able to love "in spite of."  We all have unlovable traits and a true lover can look past these and love us even when they don’t deserve it or even when we don’t deserve it.

shattered

All is well that ends well.

And so it seems...

But my case is different. It took two freakin' months before I was informed that I wasn't qualified at all. Damn! I mean, who the hell do they think they are? And all this time I thought I will have a great "future" with them.

It was the rudest move so far. I'm not saying I'm the best; but hey, I have been in the publishing industry for six years already. Aren't that enough time to prove my worth and my competencies as well?

They should have told me earlier; that was all I asked for from the very beginning. I actually turned down two opportunities for I was honestly expecting something good to happen. But I was wrong all along. How stupid of me!!!

I'm back to a glass-half-empty state. I don't know what to feel anymore. My world's crumbling down again.

Lord, I surrender all to you.

perplexity hits me!

Perplexed.

This is what I feel right now. I have always been like this. Whenever I feel like my world is falling apart, I am shattered as well.

Call me crazy or anything, but I have this notion that nothing good is likely to happen in the next days, or even months, to come. Damn!

I started to avoid "him". I'm taking a friend's advice. But where does this lead me? Will this move take us to the next level? Will he finally make his move? Paranoia has started to set in for I think he is beginning to sense my avoidance. It has been six freakin' days (and counting-so help me God!) since my last message for him. On his part, he has never failed to text me since Monday. I'm beginning to feel guilty already, yet I have to be strong. This is the only way that I know.

With regard to my other priority, I guess I have to move fast. I would have withdrawn if not for a friend's plea not to do so. I still am hoping for that one, yet I'm not closing my door to other "worthy" opportunities.

Hang on tight!

SOMEHOW GUILTY

It has been weeks since I saw Frank Rivera's adaptation of The Summoning of Everyman at the Rajah Sulayman Theater (aka Theater-in-the-Ruins) inside Fort Santiago.

Tao: Isang Tagulaylay tackles man's sinfulness and his seeming disregard for the Lord's sacrifices to save us from our sins. The play, which was shown to the public for free, coincided with Ninos Inocentes (December 28) and was dedicated to streetchildren and the differently-abled, abused, and vulnerable kids.

And nope, this is not another review.

I went there on a friend's invitation. And having checked my schedule for that day, I decided to go, being a huge fan of stage plays (and lately, independent films, too) myself.

What caught my attention the entire play was its depiction of how the seven deadly sins affect our lives, and how each of us has struggled to avoid falling into the trap.

This led me to ask myself: "Am I guilty of any of those sins? What have I done to veer away from it?"

Greed. I don't think so! At my present job, I could honestly say that I have stayed for the simple fact that I have come to love it. Yes, I don't earn much and I am sick and tired of the exasperating policies, but then hey, I'm still here. All I yearn for once in a while is a little recognition and appreciation, yet somehow I believe that what I ask for is far-fetched.

Gluttony. Am I? I started my no-rice diet last year and have managed to lose some pounds. I am delighted that I feel lighter now and that people have began to notice the change. But I seem to still not get enough of chocolates and chips. Now there goes my problem, huh! I'm all for gradual weight loss, and my fight continue up to this day.

Lust. Errrr...no! I may not be the teenybopper-role model-Maria Clara-type of woman but I would not jump in the sack with the first guy I met either. I still have my values intact. I admit I'm single right now, but who cares! I enjoy my singleblessedness a lot and the hope remains in my heart that someday the Lord will send me the guy I truly deserve, and not just someone I desire.

Pride. Guilty as charged, and I'm not actually proud of it. I often argue with friends and family members, and it would normally last for months, sometimes even years. It's not that I have difficulty forgiving someone. Most of the time, I just don't want to make the first move and say, "Let's just forgive and forget," especially if I have all the reasons to believe that it wasn't my fault in the first place. But love forever dwells in my heart, and I know that in time, wounds would heal.

Sloth. If sleeping the entire day on a weekend or during the holidays can be considered as sloth, then shoot me! This probably is one of my biggest problems. I often think that I should make up for the sleeping hours I lost the preceding days (mostly due to working late at work). I know I should be productive and make use of my time wisely, so this year I'm planning to do some volunteer work. I still don't know where but I'm working on it. I say good luck to me!

Envy. At times, I guess. I don't refer here to being envious of Hollywood stars often parading their Gucci dress, Prada stilettos, and Louis Vuitton bags. I am talking of being a little jealous of my contemporaries who earn more than I do, and those in other countries who seem to be having the time of their lives. I know I am doing my best, and a little determination would eventually push me to higher grounds. For now, I hold on to the fact that a bright future awaits me somewhere else. I just have to be forbearing.

Wrath. I may be infuriated with little things (like coming to the office a few seconds late, or having found out I stained my newly-bought blouse) but what irritates me the most are news on child abuse, child labor, and other child-related cases. It just pisses me off that children are subjected to such unacceptable circumstances, and even more disturbing is that their parents or other family members turn out to be the perpetrators.

There you go. Now you know I'm not a good person after all. Just like you, I do have my ups and downs; I do fall into temptations.

But as our Lord is a forgiving one, we are given the chance to just drop down on our knees and repent our sins. Of course we may commit the same fault from time to time. Yet we learn from our mistakes, don't we?

I'm actually looking forward to another "TAO" in the future. Who knows what other lessons I may pick up next?

when sheer enjoyment slips away

"When you are doing what you love to do, no one has to motivate you or challenge you or check up on you. You do it for the sheer enjoyment. You don't need rewards or applause or payment, because you love serving in this way. The opposite is also true: When you don't have a heart for what you're doing, you are easily discouraged."

- Day 30, Thinking About My Purpose, The Purpose Driven Life

I agree!

However, there comes a time in our lives when we say to ourselves, "Enough is enough, I'm fed up, I'm pissed off!"

Confucius once said: "Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life!"

I did, or at least that's what I thought four years ago. Don't get me wrong, but I love my job to the core! But these past few months have been so draining, at times I feel like I couldn't breathe anymore.

What happens then? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for now. I know my worth and my capabilities as well. All I ask for is a little recognition and some appreciation. Too much to ask for? I don't think so!

For whatever it's worth, I'm grateful for the opportunity and the experience, and the lifetime friendship I was able to establish. I will cherish them all in my heart forever.

Thy will be done...

hello to 2007!

Here's to another year!

Do I have some expectations for this year? Of course I do! Just as I have hopes, dreams, aspirations, and other positive thoughts.

However, I'm not keeping my hopes high. I just strive to do what is best, and hopefully the rest would follow. I leave it all up to the Lord.

Top priorities for year 2007 would be career advancement and a budding love life. Yet I'm betting more on the former than the latter. The first quarter of this year will be very crucial, and I hope for wonderful things in store for me this year.

Why a little faith on the second one? I've been hapless in that field for crying out loud! The result of my latest "romance" (if I could really call it that way!) is somehow too soon to tell. There are so many questions on my mind, like "Why try to contact me only now?", "Why the invitation to an important occasion?", and the never-ending whys. I'm actually scared of interpreting his text messages. For now, I'm contented that he makes me smile, and it felt really good to see him after two years. I just don't understand why he's so difficult to comprehend. I have tried a number of times to squeeze him, to find out if he's got something under his sleeves, a hint of even a little thing for me or whatever. But everything was pointless! Maybe it's just supposed to be that way. After all, most men are like that, just as they find us women hard to bear. A common friend of ours actually thought something's going on between us already, that it's about time he made his move. I asked her to remain calm and stop herself from even saying a single detail about us to anyone we know. She's actually more excited than I am, and there, I should say, goes the problem. Excitement is intangible, therefore not to be relied upon. Unless there is really something going on between us, then I see no reason to be euphoric.

I know I should be excited, but there's this part of me still hanging on to the previous year. I hate excess baggage! I just pray for something sublime in the days to come. I know I deserve one.

Quotations I Learned From This Year

How time flies! The year 2006 is about to end, and another one is on the way. There are so many things to still thank for this year, amid all the frustrations, disappointments, and unfortunate incidents. But one thing is certain... I know I have grown stronger and able to seize another day.

As for next year, let's just wait and see. Hope is definitely something I cling on to and I'm not willing to give that up.

As promised, here are the quotations I learned from this year.

From GREY'S ANATOMY

Quotes from Meredith Grey (beginning or ending narration):

"See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while, people may even take your breath away."

"We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves...that knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying."

"I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d say it had a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong. What if you make a mistake you can’t undo. Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true. That by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it."

"Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate."

"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know.If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side... is spectacular."

"Pain. You just have to ride it out. You can only hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside."

"In letting go of bad habits, old memories, what's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. Amid all the crap, there are a few things really worth holding on to."

Quote from Callie Torres (to George O'Malley):

"Don't chase me, unless you're ready to catch me."

Quote from Nurse Olivia (referring to a woman who left her fiancee after finding out he is about to undergo a serious medical operation):

"If she can't love him back the way he loves her, then she doesn't deserve him."

From CHARMED

Quote from an Elder:

"At the end of the day, even we can't change what's meant to be."

Quote from a Leprechaun:

"It doesn't matter what breaks a person, only what they live with."

From CSI

Quote from Catherine Willows:

"When you lose a possibility, it kinda sucks!"

Quote from Sara Sidle:

"I have a problem with authority. I choose men who are emotionally unavailable. (motions to Grissom). I'm self-destructive. All of the above."

From Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom):

"Don't let go too soon but don't hang on too long."

From By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept (Paulo Coelho):

"Life takes us by surprise and orders us to move towards the unknown – even when we don't want to and when we think we don't need to."

From The Purpose-Driven Life (Rick Warren):

"Relationships, not achievements or the acquisition of things, are what matters most in life." (Day 16)

"Relationships are always worth restoring." (Day 20)

"There are no shortcuts to maturity." (Day 28)

"Vulnerability is emotionally liberating." (Day 35)

And something I realized this year:

"Love is a cycle; a never-ending process unavoidable, especially to those who are vulnerable."

un(lucky) me!

I lost my cellphone last week (December 14)...damn! I don't know how it happened, it just "magically" disappeared from my bag, and I found out only after three or four hours after. The perpetrator might have taken advantage of my constant opening of my bag while I was at the mall buying some more gifts. Anyways, I believe in karma, big time! I wasn't even temperamental afterwards for I believe crying won't do me any good. And as they say, what happened, happened! After all, I already reported it to the National Telecommunications Commission last Tuesday, and the people there assured me that it will be blocked in two weeks time. The phone will be useless, so is the SIM card. The only thing they could do with it is "chop-chop" the parts and sell it to Greenhills or elsewhere. Poor buyer, I guess! Whoever has my phone now, whether the perpetrator or the buyer, I bet he or she is in for a big surprise soon!

Now there goes my MP3 player! I was supposed to buy one the following day. But because of this cellphone thing, I opted to buy a new phone instead (the same unit, di na nadala!). It's a necessity now than a want. Come to think of it, a cellphone to me is like a business opportunity in itself. One of my freelance jobs have actually tried to contact me last week, but since I lost my phone (with most of my VIP numbers stored there), she wasn't able to reach me until Monday. So instead of spending days editing her articles, I was given two hours to finish everything. And you know what, it was worth it. The pay was great...fast and in cold cash! Cheers to my first ever freelance editing job!

As for my Christmas list, so far I have only accomplished two. I've been wearing contact lens since December 9, and it feels good. Unfortunately, it took away the grade for my astigmatism but I could still see clearly. Now I don't have to feel uneasy wearing my eyeglasses.

Also, I bought the drawer I've been eyeing for my discs. And since it's big enough for other things, I also stuffed it with my bags and other important documents. By the end of the month, I plan to buy a new set of bedding.

There you go! There are other unlucky incidents, maybe due to mere clumsiness or I've just been so unfortunate lately. Yet I believe that there are better things to come my way. And I hope that happens soon...

The Air of Christmas

The Christmas season is definitely in the air once more!

'Tis the season of spending... oops, gift-giving I should say. I'd love to reward myself with a few stuffs this year – a boom box MP3 player, a trendy ELLE ladies' watch, a pair of natural shade contact lens, a drawer for my compact discs, and a new set of bedding. Talk about few, huh! Anyways, I'm certain I won't be able to purchase them all, but a 3-out-of-5 wouldn't hurt don't you think so? After all, with the measly 13th month pay I'll be receiving tomorrow I don't think I could afford to even complete my list. There are a lot of people to give gifts to – family, friends, godchildren, and even strangers (I plan to give something to two disabled women I often pass by the church on my way to work). I say measly for even though I think I'm this year's "top grosser" in our department due to tons of overtime and fewer absences, I feel like it's still not enough this year. And bonus...NADA!!! That seems to be nonexistent in my organization's vocabulary. So, what now? I have to make both ends meet, as always! I still hope for a better tomorrow and it's something worth holding on to.

By the way, here's my latest video purchase:


Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Not so action-packed, I should say. But the chemistry between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie is evident. Shiloh Nouvel is fortunate to have both as parents, and Maddox and Zahara, too!


The Perfect Catch. (also released as Fever Pitch) I've already rated this film months (or a year) ago. Definitely one of my favorites! Thanks again to Debbie for introducing me to this great film.


Life or Something Like It. Another Jolie film, yet it flopped in the box office. Her acting here was so-so. But the plot was nice. It made me think that what if I were in her shoes... what would I do with the last seven days of my life?



There's Something about Mary. Laughter to the MAX!!! I literally fell from the movie seat when I saw this with my college friends years ago. Cameron Diaz is effective in comedy roles than drama. And I couldn't imagine Ben Stiller crying on the screen either.

The next days will be hectic for me, with all the shopping for gifts and other preparations. I'm also doing a compilation of quotations that hit me this year, all of which are lessons learned for me. I'll post it next time.

Until then...

musings

"Lahat naman tayo kelangan may ginagawang bago from time to time para habang gumagalaw ang mundo, pati tayo INSPIRED sa buhay! Tingin ko talagang gumagawa ng way ang pag-progress ng TIME para maayos ang mga bagay na dapat ayusin, malimot ang mga bagay na hindi na dapat iniisip, at mabigyan ng chance ang mga bagay na makabubuti at makakapagpapasaya sa atin! Tama ba? "

– from kooki.multiply.com

I've been contemplating lately... and by this I mean a lot! The message above is from KC Concepcion's multiply site. It kinda hit me in the face, you know! CHANGE is really something people should work on, but only if you think it would be for the better. That is what I need right now. I'm not bitter or anything. I just believe it would be healthy and all the more invigorating.

Last Sunday, I attended the first birthday of an "estranged" friend's daughter. I was hesitant at first, for we haven't talked for more than two years. The reason for our conflict is really a petty one, yet the kind that actually ruins most friendships.

My decision to go and attend her child's party can be attributed to Rick Warren. I've been reading an e-book of The Purpose Driven Life these past few weeks and it made me realize a lot of things. Here is the lesson that moved me to finally do what's right: "Because life is all about learning how to love, God wants us to value relationships and make the effort to maintain them instead of discarding them whenever there is a rift, a hurt, or a conflict." – Day 20, Restoring Broken Relationships

We can't bring back the past, and there's really no use crying over spilt milk. We actually didn't have enough time to talk, but I'm sure what happened that day would be a start of something new for us. We're planning to meet up before Christmas. And probably by then we could finally put an end to whatever it is that still bothers us both. And you know what... just seeing her child kinda erased every pain that she has unintentionally given me in the past.


me, bhitz, and mitch
inset: bhitz and ayesza

Meanwhile, there's this certain song by Nina my officemate has been asking me about lately. I must admit I'm just like her. I can't seem to let go of a certain melody whenever I hear it and it eventually stays inside my eardrums. Most of the time I find myself going straight to a computer shop and have that song downloaded. Am I a freak or what?

Here's the song:

someday
nina

Someday you’re gonna realize
One day you’ll see this though my eyes

By then I won’t even be there

I’ll be happy somewhere

Even if I cared

I know you don’t really see my worth

You think you’re the best guy on earth

Well I’ve got news for you

I know I’m not that strong

But it won’t take long

Won’t take long


Someday someone’s gonna love me

The way I wanted you to need me

Someday someone’s gonna take your place

One day I’ll forget about you
Someday, someday



Right now I know you can tell

I’m down and I’m not doing well

But one day these tears they will all run dry

I won’t have to cry, sweet goodbye


Someday someone’s gonna love me

The way I wanted you to need me

Someday someone’s gonna take your place

One day I’ll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you
Someday I know someone's gonna be there


Talk about strong lyrics, huh! I really admire the air of positive thinking this song portrays. Now the question is, "Do I find myself relating to this song?" In a way, I do. But it's actually not for someone in particular, but for all those who gave up on me without even realizing how extraordinary I am. Go girl!!!

Ciao by now!

hectic yet hopeful

I've been too preoccupied with work lately, finishing six titles in time for this school year's second semester. I've been working so hard, having almost sleepless nights, and all of these for nothing at all.

Now more than ever, I feel it's time for me to move on. A change of environment would definitely do me good. Yes, I have a prospect. And until it's final, I'm leaving it all up to the Lord.

I need a complete turnaround. I found out a few weeks ago that someone's been admiring me. At least I know I'm bringing smile to someone else's face. And you know what, someone's making me smile, too. However, there's not that much of expectations this time. This is probably one of the greatest lessons I've learned so far. I've known him for three years now, and didn't even think he'll try to contact me all this time.

There are pressures all around - marriage, career, dissertation - but I'm taking things one at a time. My family and friends are to blame for all of these, hehe! In my case, I'm contented as I am. But I admit there are times when I feel I need someone by my side. I know I deserve one and the hope remains inside my heart that someday the Lord would let me have him.

For now, I'm enjoying what are given me, and I work on things I have yet to achieve. In time, I'll attain them all... and I'm certain of that.

things fall apart

The "ME" moments I have had lately definitely worked to my advantage.

It made me realize that there are instances that when I figured out something that is way out of proportion in my life, it is actually too late. I have already invested too much that I end up gasping for breath since I have left only a little to myself. Acceptable? I don't think so. I know I'm in control but there are days when I feel stupid... for having allowed myself to be swallowed by the seemingly despicable system all around me. I speak here in terms of every aspect of my life. Yes, life sucks! The responsibilities that go along with it can sometimes be draining and daunting altogether.

"THINGS FALL APART" is actually a cliche. It does happen, I know. But I guess we are to blame most of the time for we allow it to happen that way.

But I have come to accept my fate. I have survived the past few weeks and I intend to continue that in the days to come. My eyes are open now; the negativity that has somehow been overshadowed in the past has come to light. The truth will set you free. Yes, indeed!

Hope sparks anew. It's like being born again. I will always be grateful for life itself. For life's mistakes, be it little or big, help us to stand on both feet again.

Looking back... I actually don't have to! Look ahead, welcome, and embrace tomorrow. Because tomorrow is the only thing that matters.

double treat

Last Friday night, I went to Gateway Mall with a friend to see Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros (The Blossoming of Maximo Oliveros). It tells the story of Maxie, an openly gay 12 year-old who has pickpocketers and cellphone snatchers for a father and two elder brothers. Maxie actually takes the role of her deceased mother; he cooks, washes clothes, and repairs tattered jeans of his family. But despite his homosexuality, he is accepted by his family and he acts as a calming influence to his father and brothers. The problem came when "Kuya" Victor, a rookie cop, came to town. Victor refused to be swallowed by the stinking system of Maxie's neighborhood yet he maintained his friendship with the child. From the moment Victor rescued Maxie from a rape prank from his two neighbors, the "boy" started to admire the good cop. The film ends with Maxie's father dead (he was shot by the chief of police in front of Victor and Maxie) and his brothers, instead of avenging his death, trying to lead a good life for the sake of Maxie who they believe has a great future ahead of him.



This film was actually a part of Cinemalaya 2005. It is currently the Philippines' official entry to the Best Foreign Language Film category of the 2007 Academy Awards (OSCARS).

Here are the List of Awards / Recognition Received (as of July 2006) by ANG PAGDADALAGA NI MAXIMO OLIVEROS:
1. The 1st Cinemalaya Philippine Independent Film Festival 2005
• Special Jury Award
• Special Citation for Best Performance by an Actor (Nathan Lopez)
• Best Production Design
2. Montreal World Cinema Film Festival 2005
• Winner, Golden Zenith (Best First Film)
3. imagineNative Film Fest (Toronto) 2005
• Best Picture
4. Asian Festival for First Films (Singapore) 2005
• Best Film
5. Sundance Film Festival 2006
• Official Selection - World Cinema section
6. Rotterdam Film Festival 2006
• Best Asian Film, NETPAC (Network for the Promotion of Asian Cinema) Jury Award
7. Berlin International Film Festival (Berlinale) 2006
• Best Feature Film, Teddy Awards
• Best Picture, Kinderfilmfest
• International Jury
• Special Mention, Childrens Jury
8. 35th New Directors/New Films Festival, Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) and the Lincoln Center, New York, 2006
• Opening Film
9. Las Palmas de la Gran Canarias Film Festival (Spain) 2006
• Grand Prize, Best Picture
• Audience Award, Best Picture
• Best Actor -Nathan Lopez
10. Turin International Gay and Lesbian Film Festival 2006 - Best Picture

Last night, I watched Rob Marshall's adaptation of Memoirs of a Geisha.

From http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/memoirsofageisha/: Based on the internationally acclaimed novel by Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha is a sweeping romantic epic set in a mysterious and exotic world that still casts a potent spell today. The story begins in the years before WWII when a penniless Japanese child is torn from her family to work as a maid in a geisha house.



My take on this film - Superb! I like the plot, the acting, and the cinematography. I also like the sacrificial love theme that spanned for more than ten years between Sayuri and the Chairman. It made me think of Jane and Mr. Rochester in Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre.

I guess that's all for now. Until next time...

celebrate good times, come on!

"At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate." - Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

She's right, isn't she? (or the show's writer is right, if i may say!) Despite the everyday turmoil we often experience, we're still strong to face another day; we still hope for a better tomorrow. But who doesn't anyway?

It was the last week of August when I found out I passed the comprehensive examination (thank God!) that I took last May. Unfortunately, they didn't give me my certificate for they said I still owe the office a few thousand bucks for the displacement fee of my Communication Theories and Models class. When I begged to know my grade, the staff declined. Oh well, I was pissed at the beginning but I kept my composure. At least I am now relieved of the tension and the somehow "prolonging the agony" state that I and my fellow takers underwent these past few months.

Last Saturday, me and my "friendly friends" from the office had a blast (literally) at the REX-I office. We had pasta, pizza (chicken and bacon, yum!), and roasted chicken delivered for lunch. Gosh, it was an unforgettable experience indeed! We also took turns sharing stories, mostly office issues and the like. (What else is new, hehe!)

Below is a picture taken after the "feast". Notice how big our tummies were due to the heavy meal we had. (LOL!)


This is me, with Rose, Diosa, and Abby.

At night, I went to the UP Cine Adarna (with a friend) to view the special screening of COMPOUND, a local independent film touted by critics as one of the most provocative Filipino films ever. It was directed by newcomer Will Fredo. The film's cinematography was superb and actors John Arcilla, Jake Macapagal, and Janet Russ sure delivered fine performances. The clips were not dragging unlike KUBRADOR (internationally released as "The Bet Collector" and recipient of numerous international awards, including best actress for its lead character, Gina Pareño, who plays a jueteng collector), a film by Jeffrey Jetturian which I saw last month. I guess it's because it's actually a full-length film unlike the latter which was a digital film that was only blown up for commercial release. And unlike KUBRADOR's slow pacing, COMPOUND has just the right pacing, plus the shots were superb, making the bed scenes look realistic, though not too raunchy.

Other films I've seen lately were THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA and SCOOP. I just love how Meryl Streep can be so versatile in her roles despite her age. And Anne Hathaway is so gorgeous that I don't grow tired of staring at her. Her features are actually a beauty queen material! For the second film, despite being directed by Woody Allen, it didn't reach my expectations actually. But Scarlett Johansson was good in that movie. As for Hugh Jackman, I still am not used to see him playing antagonist roles, although he played a sweet part. I still can't get over his charms from Kate & Leopold.



That's it! I guess I'm back... with a vengeance this time, harharhar!!!

beautiful song

Cool video, perfect song! what do you think? I'm such a Grey's Anatomy addict and this video is so awesome, and the song is soothing to the ears.



That's When I Love You
ASLYN

When you have to look away

When you don't have much to say

That's when I love you

I love you, just that way

To hear you stumble when you speak

Or see you walk with two left feet

That's when I love you

I love you endlessly



And when your mad coz you lost a game

Forget I'm waiting in the rain

Baby I love you,

I love you anyway



Coz here's my promise made tonight

You can count on me for life

That's when i love you

When nothing you do could change my mind

The more I learn, the more I love

The more my heart can't get enough

That's when I love you,

When I love you no matter what



So when you turn to hide your eyes

Cause the movie, it made you cry

That's when I love you

I love you a little more each time

And when you can't quite match your clothes

Or when you laugh at your own jokes

That's when I love you

I love you, more than you'll know



And when you forget that we had a date

Or that look that you give when you show up late

Baby I love you, I love you anyway



Coz here's my promise made tonight

You can count on me for life

That's when i love you

When nothing you do could change my mind

The more I learn, The more I love

The more my heart can't get enough

That's when I love you,

When I love you no matter what

That's when I love you



When nothing baby

Nothing you do could change my mind

The more I learn, the more I love

The more my heart can't get enough

That's when I love you,

When I love you no matter what

No matter what